My Spoiler-Free Review of Batman v Superman

First of all, there are no spoilers for this movie. If you have seen the trailers, you already know exactly what happens in this movie.

Okay, here’s my review: save yourself the time and money. Holy smokes, this movie is garbage. The trailers are excellent. Spend 3 minutes watching the amazing trailers for free, and you’ll have a MUCH better time than you would watching this movie.

It is a long, boring, jumbled mess. This isn’t even a review, really. Just an angry rant. So I’m going to be jumping all over the place. Before I get into all the things I hated, let me write the things I liked:

Jeremy Irons was an amazing actor to play Alfred. He was just perfect and his character was well-written. Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman was another amazing cast member. She was phenomenal, and her role was easily my favorite part of the movie.Unfortunately, neither of these two great actors or well-written characters have more than a few lines, or very much screen time.

Worse still, even Batman and Superman themselves get very little screen time. It was spread pretty equally among about 50 characters, many of whom are original to this movie and unique to this story. The understandably-bitter guy who got his legs amputated SHOULD NOT have had as much screen time as Wonder Woman.

This movie felt like it should have been 10 movies. There were so many storylines going on simultaneously. Not only was it very difficult to follow ANY of these stories, but they were all rushed and terrible. Remember Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers? That movie had 3 storylines going on at once and it was a masterpiece. There’s nothing wrong with cutting between multiple story arcs but this movie had way too many and did not handle any of them well.

The character of Batman in this movie is unlike any other incarnation of Batman we have ever seen, and not in a good way. This is both a boring Batman and a Batman who kills people without reservation. If you’ve liked previous movies with Batman, or like reading Batman comics, or are a real fan of Batman at all, you will be so disappointed.

The actual “versus” part of the movie comes very late in the game and has no payoff.

I read a few reviews before I saw the movie and heard some bad things… so I went into this with low expectations. As a film nerd and a Batman fan, and as someone who LOVED Man of Steel, I really wanted to see this movie as soon as possible so that I could be part of the conversation.

This last comment of mine is going to make me sound like a bitter fanboy, but I really don’t want Zack Snyder or his team to ever get jobs again. Not in film anyway. Man of Steel was a great movie, and this was an awful follow up. They were tasked with setting up the DC Cinematic Universe, and they royally failed to do that well. Seriously, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen such bad writing, directing, and editing.

There are a couple good action scenes, but none are worth the price of admission.

UGH! I was hoping it would at least be a little good. But this was one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. Of the bad things I had heard, I figured it would perhaps just be a nice popcorn flick, so I bought some popcorn and tried to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. But I couldn’t. It was lame and weak from beginning to end. Don’t waste your time and money.

I have no intention of watching any more DC movies that get released. Except Wonder Woman. But, if this movie is any indication, they will ruin that too. Ugh.

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